Aly: I would say that this is a target aquaponics pitch. I think it is target because she did well at explaining what the worlds problem is and even gave a statistic. When I first heard this statistic, it really hit me. The statistic she said is (in 30 years, hawaii's water supply with completely run out.) This was really hard for me to take in because I always think that the bad things are going to happen after I die. It really stuck to me because when the water runs out, I am still going to be in the middle of my life. Anyway, I think aly did good at also saying what we are going to do about the worlds problem. She explained how our kit works and why you should pick us, which is very important because we are competing against are peers and we need to stand out. She talked with confidence. The only advice I would give to her in this section is to next time I you are going to hold your ipad, don't make a script, make an outline and just use it to elaborate off of. I could tell she was using a script because she kept looking at her ipad and it sounded very scripted which isn't bad or anything. I felt her structure was very good because she started off with the question,(how could humans survive without water?) This was good because it makes you think, and want to find out the answer. She also had a pretty good closing.
Trevor: I also felt that trevor was in the target range. I felt he spent to much time talking about other things and not his aquaponics system. And while he was actually talking about aquaponics, he was talking about aquaponics in general, not his system in particular. I thought his beginning was good where he picks up dirt and says, (hawaii nei is beatiful and I would like to keep it that way.) I thought this was good and catchy but if I lived on the mainland, I would feel left out. I think he should say something that the whole world can relate to, not only hawaii. At the end of his speech, he started to talk about how his kit is educational because you can see the process happening. I think he should have left that part out. His structure was not good but not bad. It was good because he had a beginning and an end, but his story was kind of hard to follow and all over the place. He talked loud and with confidence and had good posture throughout. He also talked with enthusiasm which was good. Emma: Of course Emma did good, it’s the usual. You don’t even need to watch the video to know its going to be good. You just need to see her name and its good. She spoked loud, clear, and projected her voice. Small kind cheat with her script. She did mess up at times though, she’s sort of choked so it wasn’t fluent though those parts. She has a problem saying hawaii, she’s says it like HAWAIIII. Overall em is a good speaker and she knows what she has to say which is good.
Nikki: Of course Nikki did good too, the usual. Just need to see her name too. She talks fluent thoughtful the whole speech. She talks loud, clear, and her annunciation is perfect. She a great speaker and her supporting evidence was great. Although she kept bending her finger backward which was okay I guess. But other than that everything was perfect.
Bryson did a good job with speaking. He spoke clearly and seemed comfortable. He was able to use his hands while he was talking. He seemed positive also but could have maybe used more energy and expression to show how passionate he was about his system. He had excellent eye contact and seemed to know exactly what he was saying. He paused a little when he was thinking but did a good job with picking up where he left. A lot of information that he used was very useful. I like how he gave examples and facts to show people what he meant. I think that maybe he could have talked. Little more about aquaponics or his system. I know the unique thing about their system is that it can adjust to any tank, and maybe they could have said that. He had a good beginning by starting off with a fact. I think that he went through his points and did a good job doing so. He had a an example for most of his points which helped him. I think that his ending was good but maybe instead of saying another fact, he could have repeated his main idea.
Isaiah did an excellent job with speaking. He seemed very serious but also passionate. I would honestly believe what he says because he seemed very confident. I like the way that he used his hands while he was taking. His posture was pod and his speaking was also excellent. He did not seem to mess up at all and pronunciation was accurate. His content was strong and useful. I like how he kept saying that his group had a better system but also why he thinks that. I don’t think that he needed to say what everyone does in his group and maybe could have added more facts instead. I also think that he did a good job with saying how passionate they are because that is very important to persuade people into investing and buying the product. His structure of his speech flowed very well. First he would talk about one point and then move into the other point slowly but at a good pace. He seemed to know exactly what he was saying so the points the he planned worked well for him. His conclusion and intro is confident and well planned.
Tyler:
I thought that Tyler really had something good to say about his product. The content of his speech was very well planned because I thought it was supported by good example about how hawaii is going to run out of fresh water supply in 30 years. I think that he was supported by good facts and really knowing what he was talking about. Even though I thought that what he said was good it might be able to improve by enthusiasm. I thought that your voice and fluency had a lot of confidence making the viewer interested. I understood clearly what the structure was. It was that your product can help change a future problem and that you want to help reduce its possibility.
Nikki:
Nikki is very good at speaking. I felt that she was very enthusiastic and positive by the tone of her voice. Listening to her made me feel that whatever she was doing, she had confidence. I liked that Nikki used to her hand gestures properly rather than moving around randomly that had no purpose. The only thing I would say to improve on is keeping good eye contact. Her content really supported to what she was saying. I thought that talking about how her system was unique was a good thing to mention. It was different because she mentioned the advantages in her groups system. I followed Nikki’s story all the way through because I saw her point and overall had a good presentation. Her point was that we will soon run out of fresh water and aquaponics can help fix that problem.
Isaiah Browning: I thought Isaiah was a very good at speaking. He was very clear on what he was saying, he was using his body language properly. He seemed very relax and calm. But also was interested in the conversation. He had very good topics. He had had answered all the questions whats’s the problem, solution why me? He explained how his group was the best. But saying his teammates it seemed more of an opinion. His structure was very good he had a good intro topics and a thesis. As well as a conclusion
Fenton: He spoke very clearly and entertaining. The way he spoke made me interested in to what he was saying. He also had great body language with his hands. But he could not sway back and forth so much. He had decent amount of topics he talked about the problem a little bit how its effecting the planet and the kids. Next time he could say a little more how it helps the planet and what are the future problems. He did talk about why we should buy it how our kids will want it. He had a great intro. But really no conclusion. And some of his stuff such as explaining the system should’ve been in the beginning not at the end. Overall it was pretty good.
Nikki-
Nikki’s talk was excellent the way she talk was veery smooth and the information flowed out nicely. She knew what she wanted to say she started with the problem and directed it at the viewer. He information was short but it was very well said so it was short and straight to the point that you should take the first step to being sustainable by buying her groups table top aquaponic system. Volume and clearness was good
Sean-
Sean didn’t do so great he continuously stumbled through the whole speech. He didn’t have much of an idea of what he was going to say was a big problem. His content was alright he told the viewer why you should by and the big problem why you should buy it, and why our product is unique. In the end he just ended the video didn’t end with a solid conclusion. Volume and clearness was good
sean was good at his information, but he did stumble some of the words around. Sean speaks in a clear voice through and it is quite loud and easy to understand. He had a good intro and his conclusion really finshed his ideas.
malia did a very good job, she is actually a very good speaker. The only feedback I have is sometimes she steps on her toes and falls back. But she knows what she is saying, and I think she will be fine and not scared in front of talking to the shark tank people.
Nikki is a very good speaker, she took the time to process the information and knew what she was going to say for every line, perfectly . She was very straight to her points through, and I think they have the best aquaponic system.
Sean: His speech was overall okay but his speech needed some improvement. He didn’t seemed totally focused on his speech because it seems that he forgot what he wanted to say in some of the parts. I couldn’t understand some of the words he said because he stutters at some points. His eye contact was pretty good and his volume was good enough for me to hear it. The information was correct and mainly clear when he spoke. He understood most of the concepts of topics he discussed about aquaponics. He did seems a little confuse on one part when he addressed what the problem is that this product would solve. The opening could have been better because he went straight into the information without introducing what the product is. His structure was good because he addressed the problem, solution, and why our product is better than the rest.
Krislyn M: Her speech was very good and she was very confident. She spoke very clear and loud which made it very easy to understand. Eye contact was great and she looks very focused on her speech. The information was all correct and she used lots of details to make the points clear. The content addressed the questions that were required which is great. Her speech was very easy to follow because it was organized and prepared well. Opening was good because she stated what the product is and what this product will solve.
His speech was overall okay but his speech needed some improvement. He didn’t seemed totally focused on his speech because it seems that he forgot what he wanted to say in some of the parts. I couldn’t understand some of the words he said because he stutters at some points. His eye contact was pretty good and his volume was good enough for me to hear it. The information was correct and mainly clear when he spoke. He understood most of the concepts of topics he discussed about aquaponics. He did seems a little confuse on one part when he addressed what the problem is that this product would solve. The opening could have been better because he went straight into the information without introducing what the product is. His structure was good because he addressed the problem, solution, and why our product is better than the rest.
Kristlyn M:
Her speech was very good and she was very confident. She spoke very clear and loud which made it very easy to understand. Eye contact was great and she looks very focused on her speech. The information was all correct and she used lots of details to make the points clear. The content addressed the questions that were required which is great. Her speech was very easy to follow because it was organized and prepared well. Opening was good because she stated what the product is and what this product will solve.
Alyssa: I really liked the beginning of her elevator pitch because she began it stating a question that everyone can relate to. She then stated hr facts and sold her product very well in exactly one minute. The only comments that I would make about her video would be that she tended to kind of flip her hair every once in awhile if it kind of got in her face our something which could seen kind of distracting. As well there were moments where she looked at her iPad for help for a moment that was pretty long and she could maybe kind of take a shorter glimpse next time.
Fenton: Fentons video was very attention getting. In the beginning he stated a topic and you could tell that he had his main points that he had wanted to talk about in his video laid out and prepared. I think things that he could do next time that would help to improve his video would be that he fidgets around or kind of moves his legs around and walks around somewhat while he is talking. As well he has these moments where he kind of pauses and doesn’t say anything where it’s kind of like an “Awwwwww” moment. If he fixed these things I think his videos would be great.
Trevor: Speech- he was very confident while giving his speech. He didn’t stumble at all until a little at the end. He has hand gestures but they’re not bad. They’re well used so its not a confidence problem. He’s loud and enunciates he’s words well. He has good eye contact, he’s looking at the camera the whole time other than the beginning.
Content- his information was correct. Everything he talked about was correct. It was all about his kit. He didn’t say anything factual about aquaponics, only information on his kit. I learned about his table top aquaponics kit.
Structure- he had a great intro, a good body and a bad ending. His intro got me interested in what he was gonna talk about. His body was interesting and kept me interested. I didnt get bored. I wanted to learn more. His ending didnt end anything. It ended abruptly and left me hanging.
Marshall: Speech- he is overall confident. He sways a lot during his speech. He occasionally twitches, and I think it has something to do with his confidence. He speaks loudly and clearly. He makes good eye contact, he’s always looking at the camera.
Content- all of his information is correct. Everything he said was true. Everything he talked about I knew because I’m in his group but if people listened to his speech, they would learn about his kit.
Structure- his intro didnt get me interested in what he was gonna talk about. He need to make it more interesting so people will want to listen. His body was good. He had good information that people cared about and that made me interested to buy his product. He’s ending was like Trevor’s, he just left it hanging. He was gonna say something but he forgot what it was.
Josh:
Needs development
His structure wasn’t clear or planned. The story is nonexistent and it is hard to follow where it all leads. There is an ok opening but finish quite abruptly. His examples are ok but not too memorable or helpful. I didn’t learn anything. Wasn’t very informative. His voice, tone, and words were knowledgeable and sounded smart but his confidence looked lacking and his posture was poor, and so was his professionalism. He kept looking down, laughed at end and although he sounded confident his presence made it seem weak.
Tyler:
Target, to mastery.
His content, and structure was good his speech wasn’t as good. His information was clear and organized. It was grouped nicely and had a great flow. I understood it all and felt like i was learning some stuff. Everything was related and logically placed.Information was given about aquaponics and he was pretty knowledgeable. His speech was not as good. His posture, expression and face was boring and looked bored. He look bored and uncomfortable. His voice sounded ok most of the time but his movement and body was off.
Trevor: I also felt that trevor was in the target range. I felt he spent to much time talking about other things and not his aquaponics system. And while he was actually talking about aquaponics, he was talking about aquaponics in general, not his system in particular. I thought his beginning was good where he picks up dirt and says, (hawaii nei is beatiful and I would like to keep it that way.) I thought this was good and catchy but if I lived on the mainland, I would feel left out. I think he should say something that the whole world can relate to, not only hawaii. At the end of his speech, he started to talk about how his kit is educational because you can see the process happening. I think he should have left that part out. His structure was not good but not bad. It was good because he had a beginning and an end, but his story was kind of hard to follow and all over the place. He talked loud and with confidence and had good posture throughout. He also talked with enthusiasm which was good. Emma: Of course Emma did good, it’s the usual. You don’t even need to watch the video to know its going to be good. You just need to see her name and its good. She spoked loud, clear, and projected her voice. Small kind cheat with her script. She did mess up at times though, she’s sort of choked so it wasn’t fluent though those parts. She has a problem saying hawaii, she’s says it like HAWAIIII. Overall em is a good speaker and she knows what she has to say which is good.
Nikki: Of course Nikki did good too, the usual. Just need to see her name too. She talks fluent thoughtful the whole speech. She talks loud, clear, and her annunciation is perfect. She a great speaker and her supporting evidence was great. Although she kept bending her finger backward which was okay I guess. But other than that everything was perfect.
Bryson did a good job with speaking. He spoke clearly and seemed comfortable. He was able to use his hands while he was talking. He seemed positive also but could have maybe used more energy and expression to show how passionate he was about his system. He had excellent eye contact and seemed to know exactly what he was saying. He paused a little when he was thinking but did a good job with picking up where he left. A lot of information that he used was very useful. I like how he gave examples and facts to show people what he meant. I think that maybe he could have talked. Little more about aquaponics or his system. I know the unique thing about their system is that it can adjust to any tank, and maybe they could have said that. He had a good beginning by starting off with a fact. I think that he went through his points and did a good job doing so. He had a an example for most of his points which helped him. I think that his ending was good but maybe instead of saying another fact, he could have repeated his main idea.
Isaiah did an excellent job with speaking. He seemed very serious but also passionate. I would honestly believe what he says because he seemed very confident. I like the way that he used his hands while he was taking. His posture was pod and his speaking was also excellent. He did not seem to mess up at all and pronunciation was accurate. His content was strong and useful. I like how he kept saying that his group had a better system but also why he thinks that. I don’t think that he needed to say what everyone does in his group and maybe could have added more facts instead. I also think that he did a good job with saying how passionate they are because that is very important to persuade people into investing and buying the product. His structure of his speech flowed very well. First he would talk about one point and then move into the other point slowly but at a good pace. He seemed to know exactly what he was saying so the points the he planned worked well for him. His conclusion and intro is confident and well planned.
Tyler:
I thought that Tyler really had something good to say about his product. The content of his speech was very well planned because I thought it was supported by good example about how hawaii is going to run out of fresh water supply in 30 years. I think that he was supported by good facts and really knowing what he was talking about. Even though I thought that what he said was good it might be able to improve by enthusiasm. I thought that your voice and fluency had a lot of confidence making the viewer interested. I understood clearly what the structure was. It was that your product can help change a future problem and that you want to help reduce its possibility.
Nikki:
Nikki is very good at speaking. I felt that she was very enthusiastic and positive by the tone of her voice. Listening to her made me feel that whatever she was doing, she had confidence. I liked that Nikki used to her hand gestures properly rather than moving around randomly that had no purpose. The only thing I would say to improve on is keeping good eye contact. Her content really supported to what she was saying. I thought that talking about how her system was unique was a good thing to mention. It was different because she mentioned the advantages in her groups system. I followed Nikki’s story all the way through because I saw her point and overall had a good presentation. Her point was that we will soon run out of fresh water and aquaponics can help fix that problem.
Isaiah Browning: I thought Isaiah was a very good at speaking. He was very clear on what he was saying, he was using his body language properly. He seemed very relax and calm. But also was interested in the conversation. He had very good topics. He had had answered all the questions whats’s the problem, solution why me? He explained how his group was the best. But saying his teammates it seemed more of an opinion. His structure was very good he had a good intro topics and a thesis. As well as a conclusion
Fenton: He spoke very clearly and entertaining. The way he spoke made me interested in to what he was saying. He also had great body language with his hands. But he could not sway back and forth so much. He had decent amount of topics he talked about the problem a little bit how its effecting the planet and the kids. Next time he could say a little more how it helps the planet and what are the future problems. He did talk about why we should buy it how our kids will want it. He had a great intro. But really no conclusion. And some of his stuff such as explaining the system should’ve been in the beginning not at the end. Overall it was pretty good.
Nikki-
Nikki’s talk was excellent the way she talk was veery smooth and the information flowed out nicely. She knew what she wanted to say she started with the problem and directed it at the viewer. He information was short but it was very well said so it was short and straight to the point that you should take the first step to being sustainable by buying her groups table top aquaponic system. Volume and clearness was good
Sean-
Sean didn’t do so great he continuously stumbled through the whole speech. He didn’t have much of an idea of what he was going to say was a big problem. His content was alright he told the viewer why you should by and the big problem why you should buy it, and why our product is unique. In the end he just ended the video didn’t end with a solid conclusion. Volume and clearness was good
sean was good at his information, but he did stumble some of the words around. Sean speaks in a clear voice through and it is quite loud and easy to understand. He had a good intro and his conclusion really finshed his ideas.
malia did a very good job, she is actually a very good speaker. The only feedback I have is sometimes she steps on her toes and falls back. But she knows what she is saying, and I think she will be fine and not scared in front of talking to the shark tank people.
Nikki is a very good speaker, she took the time to process the information and knew what she was going to say for every line, perfectly . She was very straight to her points through, and I think they have the best aquaponic system.
Sean: His speech was overall okay but his speech needed some improvement. He didn’t seemed totally focused on his speech because it seems that he forgot what he wanted to say in some of the parts. I couldn’t understand some of the words he said because he stutters at some points. His eye contact was pretty good and his volume was good enough for me to hear it. The information was correct and mainly clear when he spoke. He understood most of the concepts of topics he discussed about aquaponics. He did seems a little confuse on one part when he addressed what the problem is that this product would solve. The opening could have been better because he went straight into the information without introducing what the product is. His structure was good because he addressed the problem, solution, and why our product is better than the rest.
Krislyn M: Her speech was very good and she was very confident. She spoke very clear and loud which made it very easy to understand. Eye contact was great and she looks very focused on her speech. The information was all correct and she used lots of details to make the points clear. The content addressed the questions that were required which is great. Her speech was very easy to follow because it was organized and prepared well. Opening was good because she stated what the product is and what this product will solve.
His speech was overall okay but his speech needed some improvement. He didn’t seemed totally focused on his speech because it seems that he forgot what he wanted to say in some of the parts. I couldn’t understand some of the words he said because he stutters at some points. His eye contact was pretty good and his volume was good enough for me to hear it. The information was correct and mainly clear when he spoke. He understood most of the concepts of topics he discussed about aquaponics. He did seems a little confuse on one part when he addressed what the problem is that this product would solve. The opening could have been better because he went straight into the information without introducing what the product is. His structure was good because he addressed the problem, solution, and why our product is better than the rest.
Kristlyn M:
Her speech was very good and she was very confident. She spoke very clear and loud which made it very easy to understand. Eye contact was great and she looks very focused on her speech. The information was all correct and she used lots of details to make the points clear. The content addressed the questions that were required which is great. Her speech was very easy to follow because it was organized and prepared well. Opening was good because she stated what the product is and what this product will solve.
Alyssa: I really liked the beginning of her elevator pitch because she began it stating a question that everyone can relate to. She then stated hr facts and sold her product very well in exactly one minute. The only comments that I would make about her video would be that she tended to kind of flip her hair every once in awhile if it kind of got in her face our something which could seen kind of distracting. As well there were moments where she looked at her iPad for help for a moment that was pretty long and she could maybe kind of take a shorter glimpse next time.
Fenton: Fentons video was very attention getting. In the beginning he stated a topic and you could tell that he had his main points that he had wanted to talk about in his video laid out and prepared. I think things that he could do next time that would help to improve his video would be that he fidgets around or kind of moves his legs around and walks around somewhat while he is talking. As well he has these moments where he kind of pauses and doesn’t say anything where it’s kind of like an “Awwwwww” moment. If he fixed these things I think his videos would be great.
Trevor: Speech- he was very confident while giving his speech. He didn’t stumble at all until a little at the end. He has hand gestures but they’re not bad. They’re well used so its not a confidence problem. He’s loud and enunciates he’s words well. He has good eye contact, he’s looking at the camera the whole time other than the beginning.
Content- his information was correct. Everything he talked about was correct. It was all about his kit. He didn’t say anything factual about aquaponics, only information on his kit. I learned about his table top aquaponics kit.
Structure- he had a great intro, a good body and a bad ending. His intro got me interested in what he was gonna talk about. His body was interesting and kept me interested. I didnt get bored. I wanted to learn more. His ending didnt end anything. It ended abruptly and left me hanging.
Marshall: Speech- he is overall confident. He sways a lot during his speech. He occasionally twitches, and I think it has something to do with his confidence. He speaks loudly and clearly. He makes good eye contact, he’s always looking at the camera.
Content- all of his information is correct. Everything he said was true. Everything he talked about I knew because I’m in his group but if people listened to his speech, they would learn about his kit.
Structure- his intro didnt get me interested in what he was gonna talk about. He need to make it more interesting so people will want to listen. His body was good. He had good information that people cared about and that made me interested to buy his product. He’s ending was like Trevor’s, he just left it hanging. He was gonna say something but he forgot what it was.
Josh:
Needs development
His structure wasn’t clear or planned. The story is nonexistent and it is hard to follow where it all leads. There is an ok opening but finish quite abruptly. His examples are ok but not too memorable or helpful. I didn’t learn anything. Wasn’t very informative. His voice, tone, and words were knowledgeable and sounded smart but his confidence looked lacking and his posture was poor, and so was his professionalism. He kept looking down, laughed at end and although he sounded confident his presence made it seem weak.
Tyler:
Target, to mastery.
His content, and structure was good his speech wasn’t as good. His information was clear and organized. It was grouped nicely and had a great flow. I understood it all and felt like i was learning some stuff. Everything was related and logically placed.Information was given about aquaponics and he was pretty knowledgeable. His speech was not as good. His posture, expression and face was boring and looked bored. He look bored and uncomfortable. His voice sounded ok most of the time but his movement and body was off.